Lately, this word has been occupying my mind more than I want to admit. Having obsessive thoughts about obsession is probably the most meta-thinking I’ve done so far (and I’ve done a lot, to be honest). If I ever mention it in front of anyone who didn’t know me long enough I will probably be instantly classified into the ranks of ’the crazy people’. But the more I think about it, the more it makes sense to think about it. This idea is too complex and fascinating to be left unexplored.
To get to the point, we first need to start somewhere, and to me, it makes the most sense to start with the formal definition:
Obsession is a state of mind where one’s thoughts and emotions are completely consumed by a particular person, object, or idea. It involves an intense preoccupation or fixation with the subject of obsession, often at the expense of other aspects of life. Obsession can manifest in various forms, including romantic, sexual, or platonic obsessions, as well as obsessions with material possessions, hobbies, or ideas. While some level of fixation is normal, an obsession becomes problematic when it interferes with daily life, relationships, work, or personal well-being.
Sometimes, an obsession may feel like an intrusive thought, something that is unwelcome inside your head that makes you question your morality, intentions, or even sanity. This consideration can then lead to OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) and overall to the negative side of being obsessed about something. However, as a person who does not consider himself to have an OCD—even though I for sure can fit many of the criteria to have one—I want to take a little different look at this notion. Let’s drift together on the edge between passion and obsession and see what comes out.
When someone says you’re passionate about something—say for example painting—it is meant as a good thing, as a compliment. On the other hand, once somebody tells you you’re obsessed, it is usually meant as a warning sign, as something negative.
‘When was the last time you ate? Slept? Talked to anyone or went outside?
All you do is paint those pictures. You’re obsessed!’
These words don’t sound like encouraging the behavior right? And it makes sense, to some extent.
When you’re passionate about something, it means you invest your time, energy, and other resources into something you find meaningful. You’re buying brushes, canvases, and paint colors. You’re allocating time during the week to work on your art, on learning, and on improving. However when life comes your way, when your friend has a birthday party when your family wants to meet at the holidays when you get hungry, or tired you’re able to put down the brush, you’re able to press pause on your craft, and go and deal with what life served you.
And then, there’s an obsession. When you’re obsessed you don’t care about the world. You ignore your friend’s invitation, you neglect the relationship with your family, you don’t eat, and you don’t sleep. Your entire world just shrinks onto your canvas, that’s all you see, all you feel. Your obsession makes you act differently in front of others. You no longer care about their stories, about their problems. All you want to think about and all you want to talk about is your craft. And obviously, people will catch on to that, and won’t like that. They will want your old self back. They might want it back for selfish reasons, so you can once again listen to their stories, or they may even feel genuine worry about you, about your new way of living. Be it a former or latter reason for them acting like that, you should never blame them for that. But what you should take into consideration is how much emphasis you want to put on their calls.
Now we’re getting into the realms of self-awareness. No matter how self-destructive your obsession can be. How much can your health, relationships, and other aspects of your life suffer. There’s one thing you cannot deny. If you have the right obsession—whatever that means to you—you will do exponentially larger progress in that aspect of life than someone who is just passionate. More than someone who puts down the brush anytime a friend calls, or gets a little hungry. When you’re able to touch into the world, where your craft will throw shadows on everything else occurring in your life, you’re on the path to mastery.
For the importance of your self-awareness. There all your hours of meditation, journaling, and other kinds of reflection exercises will be tested. You will need to correctly decide for yourself if the activity that won’t let you sleep is really worth all the negative effects that may occur once you go all in with it. And let me tell you this. Most activities are not worth sacrificing the rest of your life for. But when you find that one, oh boy, go all in and don’t look back.
That’s where the value of knowing yourself lies. In deciding on the risk of going on a path of obsession, because if you’re not aware enough, then some very bad addiction can sneak into your life masked as a ‘positive obsession’ (for men, it is very often in form of some game). That’s why it is necessary to question your activities often, to ask yourself questions like:
How will my life look like if I continue doing this activity for the next 6 months?
Does the urge to do the activity comes from curiosity and the mind’s preoccupation or a place of chemical dependence?
Am I able to regulate this activity into a healthy lifestyle or will it always do harm no matter the amount?
These questions and much more should be on your mind anytime you feel like some activity is getting out of your hands.
Especially the last question, about the posibility of regulation is important. Most obsessions don’t last long. They come in sprints—in periods—and once a period ends, they either fade away, or turn into an addiction. If you’re able to imagine yourself in the future decreasing the amount of time you spend doing the activity to only maintain the current levels, then it’s a good sign that this obession might not completely ruin your life.
Once your obsession starts fading away, you need to be able to sustain at least a minimal level of maintanence to not let the activity completely dissapear from your life. This is what I call obsession sprints and I’ve got an entire essay on it.
This entire reflection took mostly into consideration only the positive aspects of obsession, and that is an obsession with some kind of work, craft, or activity. You may now feel like the obsession is something you need in life, something you need to have to do any progress. After all, most of the giants in every domain of our lives were pretty much obsessed with their craft. Be it painters, writers, but also businessmen, politicians, or war leaders. All those people showed signs of obsession in one way or another. But there’s one thing I’m yet to mention. Not everyone can become obsessed, but when you can, it is both gift and a curse.
The thing is, people who are obsessed with some craft are usually addicted to some other substance as well. Like for example Alan Watts. One of the best philosophers of our times, pretty much obsessed with his thoughts and ideas, and yet, died of alcohol intoxication. Obsession has to do a lot with how prone to addiction your personality is because even though obsession and addiction are not the same things, they are pretty close to each other. And that’s why being able to become obsessed about something is both gift and a curse. When you find that one thing you want to do with your life, then you’re able to invest more than the majority of people. You will work harder, longer, and with bigger intensity. You will do great things in this field of yours but there will be demons crawling on you from the shadows that your craft put onto the outside world. Those demons will want to steal your energy and attention from your craft. Be it alcohol, pornography, social media, hookups, or anything else. And because you’re prone to get obsessed with work, you’re by rule equally prone to get addicted to some easy dopamine.
Now the question is, what wins? Obsession or addiction? That is only up to you, up to your mental capabilities, which once again leads me to the importance of self-awareness. The better you’re able to reflect on your life and thoughts, the easier it would be for you to catch bad habits, and invest all your energy in the activity you want to turn into a mastery.
To conclude. If you’ve got an obsessive personality it is both curse and a gift. You can spend your days masturbating, drinking, watching porn, and thinking about hurting or fucking all the people around you. You can become addicted and totally controlled by the world around you. Or you can use this ability of yours to be obsessed about doing something useful, something that will make you better, something that will make the world a better place. There’s no other option for you. You’ve got the energy you need to spend and you can spend it on making your life better, or worse.
Looking at these two options it is for sure obvious to you which one to choose, however, in the real life it is not that simple, it is not so black and white. In the real life, we usually don’t look far and deep enough to see the true consequences of our actions. To unlock this skill, we need to think a lot, about our life and everything around us. We need the ability to deeply analyze our current and potential future state, which can be mastered through activities like meditation and journaling. Only by questioning your behaviors often, you can understand their nature. Then you can choose what you will be obsessed about, otherwise, the Universe will make the choice for you, and there’s a chance, you won’t like that choice.
Obsession is like a fire. It can serve you well. You can use it as a tool to build and improve your world, both inner and outer. But once it gets out of your hands. Once it turns into an addiction. There’ll be nothing left of your world than dust.